Tag Archives: sharing grief

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This, this sharing with you is all so new to me, strangers, invisible only because I cannot see you or you me … yet my mother’s passing is anything but that. In time as we know it, it was two years ago, February 25th, 2013, around 2:30 in the morning: it was yesterday, it is today, and it will be tomorrow. The date is a stamp in time letting me know each year that passes but none of that catches the tears in my heart, the loneliness in my soul. Hiding does me no good. I can’t hide from myself, from my memories, from my mother … and all this while I write about mom, I’m on the verge of tears from guilt … I’m consumed with thinking about her, writing about her when I feel the same loss for my father, but dad passed close to 23 years ago … it’s easier … I had mom but now I have neither … but with mom … well, that was barely yesterday … and I can’t lessen the image of that morning when she was taken away, wrapped in white … gone …

I have my TV on and while I’m writing I’m watching two llamas, one black one white, running loose on some street somewhere - and they are wonderful - they bring smiles to me and I know there is more … imagine, two beautiful creatures that can momentarily push my hurting aside …

And then they’re gone from the screen and I can see myself wishing they were still there to help me from stepping back into sadness.

I don’t want to write anymore for now, but I am going to share something I wrote for my mother soon after she passed: maybe they are feelings that pass into your thoughts, into your life.

So many veils shrouding me from you
And tears I cannot wish away
The space around me is without you
The emptiness within me is searching for you
The silence almost deafening
And I listen for your voice
So soft, so warm, to call me
To whisper my name to let us know
I wander in such quiet space
And long to feel you close once more
A shadow somehow stepping back
If only passing so briefly in this moment
A smile that I can capture
And lock into my heart
However feint your presence wills
I’ll wait for an eternity

Perhaps you’ll want to share a thought, a feeling with me … it’s okay if not … if I can put into words maybe a little of what, of how, you are feeling – whenever those feelings might be – then I am glad to share with you now, and again – soon …